Changing Lives Outside Your Comfort Zone
Below is the basic transcript I used from my live Happy Hour Webinar training for SeneGence International. I hope you get something out of it!
Hey ladies! My name is Ashley Doyle, but my friends and senesisters call me Sarge. I am a Royal from Salt Lake City, Utah, and I get to talk to you about changing lives by living outside of your comfort zone!
I want to tell you a little bit about my story so you can get some background on why this topic is so passionate for me and why I asked to talk to you about it today. In December of 2016, I lost my daughter at 21 weeks pregnant. Due to a condition called Placenta Accreta, I ended up losing my uterus, and almost my life. The year that followed was full of anger, anxiety, grief and depression. I lost my daughter and my fertility, but I also lost my identity.
I gained weight. I lost friends. I almost ruined my marriage. Nothing in my life was more important to me than the fact that I no longer felt like a woman. I know that sounds crazy, and trust me- I was crazy. But I didn’t feel human anymore. I felt pointless. I felt like I had no purpose on this planet and was a waste of space. That went on for about 9-10 months in 2017. I hit mental lows I didn’t think were possible. Depression, PTSD and anxiety ruled my life. Then, I met Katy.
When I spoke to my Crown Princess and Upline Katy McLain for the first time, it was on Facebook. I was a first time SeneGence customer, who was added to her sales page. My husband had me try out another Direct Sales company to help with my depression, and I asked to be in her training page because I saw how successful she was. I began to build some sort of online friendship with Katy, which blossomed into a real friendship when we met in person for the first time at a vendor party I threw. I admired the difference between her team and the team I was already on. I was still selling a different product at the time, and Katy was selling SeneGence. After seeing how much she sold at the event ( TO MY OWN MOTHER!!) I researched SeneGence that night and joined right away. That brings us to today. The next year of my life (technically 11 months because my SeneVersary is on December 15th) turned out to be the most impactful year of my life so far.
The “LipSense Selfie” I posted when I joined SeneGence was the first picture I had posted of JUST ME in over 18 months. It was the first picture that “featured” my face. In fact, going back through my instagram, I hadn’t posted a picture of just my face (also known as a selfie) since April of 2016. That was a year and 9 months of feeling too insecure about my own face to post a picture of it front and center. I knew from day one that if I was going to make this business work, I needed my customers to know that I was always wearing the product. Then, my skin went through this monumental change, and I knew I needed to share it with the world. That would require that I actually post pictures of myself. I remember tapping “post” on that selfie. I remember feeling like I was going to get made fun of. I felt like people were going to criticise me or tell me how conceited they thought I was. I thought they’d tell me that my makeup looked awful or that I was bad at it and ask what I thought I was doing. None of those things happened. The opposite happened, actually. People started buying, and they started talking to me about the business.
From there, taking those steps outside my comfort zone slowly become easier. Once I posted the selfie, doing a live Get Ready With Me video on Facebook was my next hurdle. I tackled it with no casualties. Reaching out to people for demos to start earning my MUA wasn’t all that bad. I was selling product, people were joining my team, and I was making friends. Actual friends. Not only that, the girls that I was bringing into the business were experiencing similar wins. They were getting out of their comfort zone and good things were happening. My girls were also doing things outside their business that they were celebrating. They were asking for raises, leaving bad situations, taking care of themselves. Because they were so used to getting out of their comfort zone when it came to their business, it became that much easier to do it in other areas of their lives.
That’s where we come in. Every single one of us on this webinar today knows what SeneGence has done for us. For me, it’s given me a community of women who are more like sisters than friends. It’s given me extra income, a purpose, and more than anything else, it’s given me my life back. Because I chose to get out of my comfort zone and join this business, my life will never be the same. I found out that by putting myself out there, by getting uncomfortable and by being vulnerable with the women around me, I was able to change my life and help others change theirs.
Something that I haven’t told everyone but that I think is important to share, is that the majority of the year before I joined SeneGence, I was planning to end my life. I truly felt like I had nothing more to give on this earth, and suicide felt like the only way out. I am so grateful every single day that I was given this opportunity and chose to keep fighting for my life. My son got to see his mother face her greatest fears and win. My husband has a wife who is a better person today than she’s ever been. My parents are proud of the woman I am becoming. And I can tell you, without a shadow of a doubt, that it is because of SeneGence and the sisterhood it has given me. So that’s me. The long winded version of why I’m so passionate about this subject.
On to why we’re here. Now, the reason my friends and senesisters call me Sarge is because I can come off like a Drill Sergeant when I’m trying to be motivational. I yell a little, but I promise it’s with love and the best of intentions. I’ve done parts of this training before, and it helps me every time, so I hope it helps you too.
Because I know the power of getting out of my comfort zone, it is my responsibility to do so. Now, because you’ve heard my story, so do you. There’s no getting around it. It is our responsibility to be proactive about getting out of our comfort zones. We have the ability to choose how we want to live our lives, and we need to choose lives of greatness. We are not people who wait for situations to present themselves. We create the greatness.
Do not blame your circumstances for your responses.
If we allow outside circumstances to make us fearful, we become reactive. Progress takes proactivity. Regression is caused by a reactive mindset. Reactive “comfort zone” people are affected by their physical environment. The weather, their coworkers, screaming kids, frustrating family members or friends, the 5pm go-home traffic. They allow these outside influences to affect their performance and keep them inside their comfort zones. When was the last time you used a grumpy toddler as an excuse to cancel a demo? When was the last time you saw the weather report and decided not to get out and WOW some new people?
Proactive “outside the comfort zone” people take their weather with them. They set the tone of their day.. They are value based and goal oriented. They still experience outside influence, but they choose to be responsible for their reactions based on their values and goals. They choose to share their “real life” to their demo appointment, and help other “hot mess mamas” out there see how they could work the business, too. They see the gloomy weather as a sign that more women will be at the mall to get out of the storm, and go out wowing anyway.
Thankfully, each of us has a choice when it comes to how we will respond to our circumstances. Unfortunately, it’s easier to get stuck in a “comfort zone” meaning we get stuck where we know how to adequately respond to our surroundings. That is not okay! All of our growth, our personal progress and our biggest “wins” happen when we leave our comfort zones and take responsibility HEAD ON for what happens to us. Taking proactive ownership of our comfort zone is the first step to getting rid of it all together.
How can you be more proactive about getting out of your comfort zone?
Every single one of us has “comfort zone” related issues. Whether that’s public speaking, our body image, our relationships, our jobs. We all have them. Here’s the key to making it all “worth it.” I want you to ask yourself this question right now. “If I stay the same, what will happen to my Why?” If your “why” is to provide a better life for your children, will staying in your comfort zone make that happen? What will happen to your “why” if you live inside your comfort zone? Will it be impossible to achieve?
My challenge to you today is to do a self audit of your comfort zone. Make a list of the things that are holding you within that comfort zone and start working on how to get out of it. Think of your why. Think of the example you can be to your family, your friends, and your community.
I’m going to give you some examples of what has helped me as I’ve worked through my comfort zone problems.
-Problem: I did not like who I saw in the mirror. I was telling myself the story that I was unattractive, unhealthy and unworthy.
-Solution: I started being mindful and proactive about how I treated myself. I ate healthier, spent time on “self care activities” and changed my mindset. For the first time, I genuinely like who I am.
-Problem: I needed more income, but instead racked up quite a bit of credit card debt during my season of depression because it was easier than finding another source of income.
-Solution: I started my business with SeneGence. Literally everything about SeneGence was outside my comfort zone when I first started, but my need to bring in more money, make friends and get healthy became my priority. My comfort zone when it came to life before SeneGence was slowly killing me.
-Problem: A lot of team members dropped off my team this year.
-Solution: I accepted that turnover was part of the business, and I am continuing to meet with new people to share the opportunity that has changed my life. I am finding people with similar goals who line up with my team’s mission and vision statement, and I take comfort in stories like Dawn Christian’s. My time will come. I don’t have the crown yet, but I will.
-Problem: Doing a live Happy Hour webinar that gets sent out to the entire SeneGence organization.
-Solution: Get up there and DO IT. I want opportunities to share what I’ve learned with people. This may sound crazy, but I could get up in front of the entire crowd at Seminar and say these exact same things with about 90% less fear than I have right now. Being unable to “play off the room” and essentially just speak out loud to myself for an hour gives me an insane amount of anxiety. I can’t see your faces. I don’t know if you’re laughing at me, or if you’ve tuned me out. I just have to keep going because I promised myself I would. My goal in life is to help as many women as possible, and if doing a webinar is too far outside my comfort zone, I’m not going to be able to help many of them.
As long as you are committing to positive, healthy and morally sound values, you will always benefit from getting out of your comfort zone. It won’t be easy, at all. But it has to happen if you want to be successful. Think of your comfort zone like a muscle. It needs to be stretched, torn and worked in order to grow. If you aren’t consistent, you will not see results. One of my favorite Leslie Boyd-Bradley quotes “I’m great and getting better” comes to mind. We continue to get better with hard work and consistency.
For those of you who attended leaders conference with me, you heard from Keith Kochner about how the foundation of our lives are built from the stories we tell ourselves. Those stories are based on past events that in themselves have no meaning. I like to think of the word “Foundation” as another word for “Comfort Zone”.
Your Comfort Zone is Built out of the Stories you Tell Yourself
If you want to work on expanding that comfort zone or foundation, you need to create new stories to tell yourself. If you aren’t comfortable re-writing your past at this point, focus on the present. Are you scared to reach out to that “influencer” or family friend to schedule a demo or offer the opportunity? Ask yourself “why”. What is it in your foundation that makes you think she’ll say no? What is your comfort zone telling you? I am willing to bet that you won’t have a legitimate, concrete answer. If you wouldn’t accept that answer from your kid or your best friend, you shouldn’t accept it from yourself. If you don’t have an answer, you have no reason why you shouldn’t schedule that demo or offer the opportunity. You have to rid yourself of the excuses that pad the walls of your comfort zone. They aren’t real. They aren’t serving you. You need to blow past them in order to live your best life.
My favorite example of blowing past the comfort zone is Lisa Tippen-Morris. I’m thinking of her now almost infamous video when she wowed the Sally’s Beauty Supply employee on her way to Seminar. Lisa engages everyone. She puts herself out there every single day. If that woman has a comfort zone, it’s probably the size of Texas. I don’t know if she always felt this comfortable talking to people in public, but I know her willingness to show us how it’s done has helped me every time I head to the store. I use her “Wow, Wow, Wow” training when I meet people in public. She taught us to own the room, always look and act our best, and start every conversation with a genuine compliment. She shares one of my favorite Og Mandino quotes- “Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough.” and reminds us that mindset is everything. If you have that powerful quote as your mindset, you’ve got your stripes on, you look your best and you’re out there complimenting people, why would your comfort zone even matter at that point? Everything is in your favor. Failure will never overtake you if your determination to succeed is strong enough.
In the form of great leaders, trainings and events, SeneGence has given us the tools to obliterate our comfort zones. We have women in this business who truly lead by example. We have Joni, who beat the odds and started an extremely successful woman-owned company. We have Regional Sales Managers, an amazing corporate staff and uplines in this business who show us every single day what it means to be proactive about our foundations. It’s up to us to pass that on to those who join after us.
Ten Ways to Break Out Of Your Comfort Zone
I found ten “easy” ways to help you get out of your comfort zone.
1- Change Your Routine. If you always go to the same grocery store, gas station or take the same route to drop your kids off at school, change it. You’ll meet new people, have new opportunities and get your mind feeling “okay” with change.
2-Move Toward Your Fears. A quote I love by Mark Krassner says “I found that the things I’m afraid to do are often the things that have the greatest potential to expand my life”. One of my biggest fears when starting this business was putting myself out there on social media, and now that I have, it’s become one of the most profitable resources I have.
3-Try Something New Every Day. Do a new workout, try a new recipe. Make a new friend. Change something every single day. Make change a habit.
4-Start Conversations Wherever You Go. My mom taught me this from an early age, which is why I’m more comfortable talking to people in person. It didn’t matter if we were in a grocery store or on an airplane, my mom knew how to make friends. I have leaned on that skill-set heavily in my life and I believe that will help make me a success in the direct sales industry.
5-Do Something You Normally Wouldn’t Do. A week in to my SeneGence Journey, I attended SeneCelebration in Salt Lake. I got to see LTM and Joni speak in real life, which truly lit my fire. But what I did that was remarkable that weekend, was spend the night at a hotel with some senesisters I didn’t know. I thought about bailing probably 20 times before the time came, but I sucked it up, rode in Katy’s car (so I wouldn’t have a way out!) and went to the girls night. That sleepover and following day have led to some of the best friendships of my entire life.
6- Get In Front Of The Camera. This trick works two-fold for us. One, we are able to put our product out there for more people to see, and reach people in different cities, states and countries. Two, we are better able to track our progress and our growth if we can see it in front of us. Take a look at the first “Get Ready With Me” video you did vs the most recent one? Or the first demo you did vs now. Successful people “know their numbers” and we need to be able to track our progress. For me, photos and videos are the easiest way to make that happen.
7-Keep a List of Growth Goals. Write down goals that pertain to your comfort zone. Talking to someone you’re intimidated by. (I did this at leaders, and got a picture with Lisa Tippen Morris!) Trying a sport or an activity that scares you. I made the commitment to my husband that any time a “comfort zone” issue gets brought up, I will “do the thing.” So if we have a chance to go hang gliding or bungee jumping, I have to go. He wants to jump out of an airplane? I guess I’m jumping too. So far, this has mostly amounted to food-related “dares”, but it gets easier every time.
8-Ask Questions Other People Don’t. This one isn’t easy. So I guess I lied a little when I said 10 easy ways. Getting real and asking tough questions can open doors that would stay closed otherwise. When I spoke to one of my (now) best friends Abby about joining the business, I was extremely tough on her with her “why”. I don’t know what was up with me that day, but I kind of got in her face about what the business would actually do for her. I told her that I didn’t want people to join my team for no reason. I asked her what her “why” was, and continued to push for her goals, aspirations and motivation. I haven’t felt prompted to do that with anyone else that I’ve recruited, but at this point I’m thinking I should. Abby is my first girl to rank. She is consistent. She shows up. She attends every training and team event she possibly can. Last week, Abby and I got to go to Joni’s house for a private training. When asked who from my team would want to be included, Abby was #1 on the list. I have asked Abby a lot of difficult questions in the 8 months she’s been with SeneGence. We’ve pushed each other, we’re honest with each other and we say the things that need to be heard. Not the easiest, but one of the most important ways to get out of your comfort zone.
9-Give Up Control. I am a very high D personality. DI to be exact, but mostly a D. Control Freak is basically my middle name. I like to control everything from the time I wake up, to the time I go to sleep (which lasts for 8.5 hours because I control that, too!). Now, learn from the aforementioned control freak. Her child and her fertility were taken away from her at 27 years old. She is no longer in control of her family planning. At this point, having another child will either take a surrogate or adoption, both of which she cannot “control” into happening. When I lost that control, I spiraled in every other area until I made it a point to get healthy again. What DID happen, is that the need to control everything under the sun didn’t come back when my health did. When my first downline quit, I didn’t panic. When my second quit, still no panic. When a sale didn’t go through or an invoice was ignored, it was okay. When I offered the opportunity to someone I had been building a relationship with and got crickets, my life wasn’t over. Losing control in a huge way allowed me to see how much I really don’t need it. When it comes to the way your teams run their businesses, give up control. You teach, you lead by example, and you hope that they learn from you. I have learned the hard way in this business that you can’t control your team’s output. You can only control your actions, and your responses to your environment. When your team isn’t performing the way you want them to, all you can do is be consistent. Failure will never overtake you if your determination to succeed is strong enough.
10-Take Nothing For Granted. If you avoid taking things in your life for granted, it’s a lot easier not to get complacent. When I lost my daughter and almost lost my life, I got a whole new appreciation for gratitude. Because I hemorrhaged for as long as I did during that surgery, the doctors feared I would be brain dead. (Don’t ask my husband this because I already KNOW he’ll say I still am.) They kept me in a coma overnight to help my body heal, but when they tried to wake me up I wouldn’t respond. For a few days after I woke up, they tried to get my lungs to work on their own. My body had been through so much trauma while I bled out for 8 hours, that it barely functioned. I went through the entire B+ blood bank at the only Level 1 Trauma hospital in the state of Utah. That’s a lot of blood. My doctors pulled me out of anesthesia during the surgery when my heart was failing. They told me I had to fight if I wanted to live. I don’t remember the 20 minutes I spent awake during that surgery, but obviously I fought, and I’m still here. As soon as I pulled myself out of the depths of depression and PTSD, I was overwhelmed with gratitude for my life. I was so focused on the loss of my daughter that I ignored how easily I could have gone with her. My life motto now is “nobody died today”. Every day that I’m above ground is a good day for me. Every day that I’m able to breathe air, see my family and drink that first cup of coffee is a win. Gratitude changed my entire perspective on life. I’m grateful that I had the opportunity to join SeneGence. I’m grateful for the friends I’ve met and the chance I have to be here today speaking with all of you. As the great Rachel Hollis says, “It's impossible to feel anxiety and gratitude simultaneously. It's impossible to feel fear and gratitude simultaneously. It's impossible to feel anger and gratitude simultaneously. Fight negative emotion with gratitude!”